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| The January rant & Release Column A Willing Victim by WeepNWilliow |
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The person I would like to rant about is myself. I am so done with playing the victim. Yes, something ugly
and awful happened to me as a young girl. I will not go into the details. I am sick of repeating them to every
unfortunate soul whom I feel will be sympathetic to me. You see, I know people will forgive me anything
when I tell my sad tale and sob with the remembering.
That single moment in time was my ready excuse for a lifetime of failures. And I can count many failures in
my life. I have failed as a daughter, partner, parent and friend, to name just a few. But the sad event of my
youth also provided me with justification for my drug and alcohol addictions. This terrible thing happened
to poor little me, so now I’m entitled to ease my pain with addictions and irresponsibility, and to let loose
my rage on every person dumb enough to love me.
Well, those days are gone. I am finally letting that little girl escape her captor. When I think about it now, I
realize my abuser has held me in his grasp for over twenty years! That is less time than he served for
assaulting me! I’ve learned I have been his partner in a more heinous crime than the original. I have
assisted him in stealing my life and destroying all my hopes for happiness, including all the good people I
left behind in pain, especially my children.
I have already begun to change things. I have been clean and sober for almost eleven months now. I have
apologized and sought forgiveness from those I hurt and disappointed. I think the next thing I must change
is this screen name; WeepNWillow, as that no longer represents who I am. No, I’m a stronger person
now. I know my mistakes.
I forgive my selfishness. I forgive my self-hatred. I forgive my wallowing in self-pity. I forgive my arrogance.
I forgive myself for making the child within expose her wounds without hope of healing. I forgive myself for
not giving that delicate child the love and strength she needed to go on to a happy and fulfilling life. I leave
her now with closure and the gift of no longer being the victim, but the victor!
and awful happened to me as a young girl. I will not go into the details. I am sick of repeating them to every
unfortunate soul whom I feel will be sympathetic to me. You see, I know people will forgive me anything
when I tell my sad tale and sob with the remembering.
That single moment in time was my ready excuse for a lifetime of failures. And I can count many failures in
my life. I have failed as a daughter, partner, parent and friend, to name just a few. But the sad event of my
youth also provided me with justification for my drug and alcohol addictions. This terrible thing happened
to poor little me, so now I’m entitled to ease my pain with addictions and irresponsibility, and to let loose
my rage on every person dumb enough to love me.
Well, those days are gone. I am finally letting that little girl escape her captor. When I think about it now, I
realize my abuser has held me in his grasp for over twenty years! That is less time than he served for
assaulting me! I’ve learned I have been his partner in a more heinous crime than the original. I have
assisted him in stealing my life and destroying all my hopes for happiness, including all the good people I
left behind in pain, especially my children.
I have already begun to change things. I have been clean and sober for almost eleven months now. I have
apologized and sought forgiveness from those I hurt and disappointed. I think the next thing I must change
is this screen name; WeepNWillow, as that no longer represents who I am. No, I’m a stronger person
now. I know my mistakes.
I forgive my selfishness. I forgive my self-hatred. I forgive my wallowing in self-pity. I forgive my arrogance.
I forgive myself for making the child within expose her wounds without hope of healing. I forgive myself for
not giving that delicate child the love and strength she needed to go on to a happy and fulfilling life. I leave
her now with closure and the gift of no longer being the victim, but the victor!
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February 2012